In December of 1995, at the age of 22, I became a mother. The day my daughter was born has been the most outstanding day of my life to date.

I remember looking at Olivia a few days after she was born, and the realization swept over me that this child was God's blessing to me—a tangible manifestation of the Lord's love for me.

For some reason I thought that having a child would be all about what I would learn or that somehow I was going to be "trained" through it. Certainly I have learned a great deal in the nine years since I've been a parent, but I didn't anticipate that having my own child would be so much fun and bring so much joy and happiness to my life. I had cared for children for many years before becoming a mother, so I figured I had a pretty good grasp of what was involved in having children. But having my own was so different. I still had the diapers to change, the room to clean, the work of teaching and training—the same amount of work, but so much joy came along with it—the joy of watching my child grow and enjoying experiences through her eyes. I had no idea I was capable of so much love for a child.

Becoming a parent changed me in many ways, as it does every parent. The year I had Olivia was the year that I felt I grew up and became an adult. When I was a young teen, Grandpa often told us, "You never truly become an adult till you have children of your own." I finally understood what that meant. Suddenly my life and perspective on things changed immensely. I found myself evaluating my own life, my childhood, and how I had been raised. I began to decide which attributes of my own upbringing I wanted to emulate in the care of my daughter and which things I would like to improve upon.

It's amazing how idealistic one can become after having a child. You determine to become the perfect parent. You want to do everything right. You want your child's life to be perfect. You want to equip them with every tool they could possibly need. Every mistake—real or imagined—that your parents or caregivers made with you, you determine you're not going to make with your child. And then with some fear you realize that one day your child is going to do the same thing you're doing now—evaluate your parenting, your mistakes, and your failures.

It never ceases to amaze me how much I continue to learn in my day to day life of parenting. I can't count the times I have thought, "Boy, I thought I had a few more years before I had to start dealing with this issue." I've already hit a few significant milestones in my approach to parenting. Once Olivia grew out of the "happy kid" stage at around six and seven years old, I had to wrap my mind around the fact that it is my God-given mission to teach and train my daughter. I had to realize that as much as I like my daughter and as much as she is my friend and I enjoy being with her, if I am going to be successful in parenting, I cannot just make her happy, or give her what she wants—or worse, expect that she'll give me what I want or need—but I have to train her. This means that I have to steel myself to the unpleasant reactions she will consequently have. There will be times that she'll be angry with me. There will be times when I will feel sadness because I wish I could give her something she wants or feels she needs that I am unable to give her, but I know that she is gaining strength of character from not having it. Whatever personal discomfort I may undergo, I have a responsibility to teach her and train her and I have to remain steadfast in that. I never realized how difficult this could be at times. Perhaps this is something that single moms have a more difficult time dealing with, because there is a certain amount of emotional support that you receive from your child that you may not receive anyplace else.

My basic philosophy in parenting is that I want to equip my daughter with the tools and skills she needs, so that when she grows older and makes her choices in life, she will be properly equipped to be a success in whatever path of life she chooses to follow. The principles of self-determination, self-discipline, perseverance, and hard work are those that I am trying hard to instill in her. I feel that if I am consistent in her training of these things, she will be a success, no matter what paths she may choose to take later in life. If she chooses to become a full-time missionary in the Family, she will have the tools and the training needed to be a successful disciple. If she chooses to take her place in secular society, although she may need to learn a different skill set, she will have engrained within her the fundamental basics that will enable her to be a useful member of society.

Techi had a son, Trevor, eleven days after I had Olivia. We had home births together in a Family Home in Texas. Since then, Olivia and I have lived together with Techi, her husband Nat, and Trevor. It's been a joy to watch our children grow together and also a blessing that Trevor and Olivia have each other as friends and playmates. We school our children together. They're currently both nine years old and in fourth grade. And though I'm obviously partial, I like to think that they're both brilliant children.

Techi is more involved on a day-to-day basis with the children's schooling than I am right now and she's a good teacher. For someone who'd not had much training and experience in taking care of children prior to having Trevor, I think she does great. Techi currently takes care of a lot of their day-to-day schooling, while I teach the children music, singing, and performing, and give Word classes. I also try to arrange opportunities for, and accompany the children in, witnessing adventures as much as possible.

Olivia's interests outside of school are currently taking care of babies and small children, art, and coloring, and she loves music and dancing. Trevor loves constructing intricate LEGO sets, is learning how to play the drums, and is musically and rhythmically inclined. He is a natural singer with good stage presence.

It seems to me that Olivia is turning into a preteen alarmingly fast. She's quite concerned about what other people think about her, and wants to hurry and grow up so she can get on with the rest of her life. Her current plan for "when she grows up" is to be a teacher, and care for preschoolers and toddlers. If the attention and care she demonstrates with the smaller children and babies in our Home is any indication, I have no doubt that she'll be an excellent teacher and mother when she grows up.

Though she is adept in her schoolwork, she doesn't appreciate the fact that she has to spend as many hours at it each day as she does. The way I see it, there are certain skills that every child must learn in order to be successful in their adulthood. Perseverance and work ethic are among them. So is developing the responsibility to work through and finish a project.

As I grew up, I personally learned those skills—not through long hours spent in school—but through early responsibility in care of the children, the house, and things I was responsible for. I frequently have to explain to Olivia how important perseverance and work ethic life skills are, and that no matter what she does with her life when she grows older, she will have to work, and work hard. Persevering through school or her chores even when she doesn't like to do so is going to equip her with those skills she'll need.

Of course these kinds of explanations don't generally make a lasting impression in the mind of my nine-year-old. But that's okay. It's my job as a parent to be thinking ahead and determining what she's going to need in order to be a successful, well-adjusted adult, and then making sure she learns what she needs to learn now, in spite of the fact that she may not consider the process particularly thrilling.

I suppose thinking ahead into the future is not something that any child does well at, or perhaps my daughter is inordinately concerned about her present comfort and happiness. I've been rather frustrated about it at times, but it helps me to better understand the correlation between how I look at my life and circumstances, and how the Lord must look on me as His child. How often I fuss and whine over His instructions to me, when it is obedience to them that will bring me ultimate happiness in the future.

During one recent parent day, a friend of Olivia's and her mom had come to spend the weekend at our house. After waking up late, she wanted to immediately go see if her friend was awake and find out if they could have breakfast together. I told her that it would be fine, but that after breakfast, we'd need to have our Word time, and she agreed before going off to find her friend. After finishing the dishes, as I was preparing to have our Sunday Word time together, Olivia asked me if she could go out with her friend and her mom. They had invited her and were happy to have her along, and Olivia was excited about going. She had even already gotten dressed for the occasion. I reminded her that we hadn't had Word time yet and that they would be gone for several hours.

"We can just have Word time when we get back," was her proposed solution.

It was a sad Olivia who had to decline the offer of going out, and she was unhappy when we sat down to read. So we had a little discussion first.

She wailed, "But that is probably the only fun thing that is going to happen today, and I'm missing it."

"Sweetheart," I began, "the Lord has told us that it's important that we spend time with Him first in the day. He will bless us if we do so, and He won't be able to bless us if we don't obey. One day when you are older, you're going to have to make your own choices as to whether you will take the time with the Lord that you need or choose to do what you want to do instead. Right now, because Mom has the final say and can tell you that you have to stay back, it can be hard for you to obey willingly. But you're getting training. You're learning how to put the Lord first, and then when you get older, it'll be easier for you to continue to do it. You're also growing in faith, because you'll see how the Lord blesses you when you put Him first, even when there are other things you want to do."

"But Mommy," she explained, "I had faith. I had so much faith that you were going to say that I could go out that I even got dressed for it."

"But you see, there's a difference between faith and desire. Desire is something you want to do. Faith comes when you know that what you're going to do is the Lord's will. The Lord isn't going to give you real faith for something if you haven't asked Him or if you haven't spent the time with Him that you should."

Bless her heart, she yielded. We had a good time reading the latest Gen-Up magazine, having praise time and after praying for the day, we spent some time hearing from the Lord together. The Lord told her that He would bless her for her obedience and yieldedness, and help her to have a fun day. Sure enough, as it turned out, she was able to do something that she had wanted to do for quite a while and wouldn't have had the opportunity to do if she had been out. Later that night she came to me and said, "Mommy, I'm so glad we had our Word time this morning instead of going out. I had such a fun day and I'm so happy. And I know the Lord really blessed me."

This is the kind of thing that brings a lot of joy to me as a parent. I know that there will be some decisions that I'll make for her that she may not see the good in quite so quickly, but I have no doubt that some day she'll be thankful that there are some things I'm insisting on. Like doing all her laundry herself, or persevering with learning guitar or typing.

As Olivia and Trevor are Mama and Peter's personal grandchildren, they've had the opportunity at times to live with or be visited by Mama and Peter. The children call them Grandpa (not to be confused with Grandpa who is in Heaven) and Grandma, and enjoy spending time with them whenever it works out.

Mama and Peter always try to do something with the kids whenever they have the opportunity and it's a highlight of the kids' lives. At least it certainly seems that way by listening to the accounts told me by Olivia.

One time Mama and Peter took the children out to eat. Another time, they planned and served up a pancake breakfast with lots of trimmings. The next time they had the opportunity to do something with the children, they offered them the choice whether they wanted to go out to eat or "eat in" with Grandpa and Grandma. "Grandpa and Grandma's Pancake House" took the vote and so it was repeated again, complete with menus, placemats, and little educational facts and figures sprinkled in, such as how to say "pancake" in multiple languages.

Another time after a visit to Brazil, Peter visited us and regaled the children with accounts of all the creatures and critters he encountered on his trip, including the tale of the huge spider he'd encountered in the bathroom in the middle of the night. The children talked about those stories for weeks afterwards.

Every Christmas Mama and Peter will often send or give the children a book or two. Usually devotional books or missionary stories, or books with facts and figures, and they also try to give them something special on their birthdays. Last year, they got the children a computer language program, which is assisting the kids in the foreign language they are studying.

As I was writing this, I asked Olivia if she would tell me what she liked about Grandma and Grandpa. I typed out the following as she said it.

"They are sweet because they always take the time, even when they are so busy, to spend some time with us children. And they always make us feel special. When they visit us, they tell us about the trips that they make and they show us pictures and tell stories. Grandpa told us the story of when one of the people he was on a trip with went to the bathroom to take a shower, and right in the tub was a huge lizard. That was a funny story.

"Grandma's always encouraging even if we don't tell her everything that happens to us. She always says something nice at the right time. One day I was having a trial, and that day Grandpa and Grandma visited us, and she said something really nice to me that made me feel special and happy.

"Grandpa's fun because every time he visits us, he always does something to brighten up the occasion. Like when we were having pancakes, he made a big chef hat and put it on, because he was cooking the pancakes. One time when he was telling us about one of his trips, he got out a big paper and he drew on it whatever they did, and where they were staying and all their stories. It was fun.

"Trevor and I have lived together ever since we were tiny little babies. So we are good friends and since we've lived together, we know each other, so we know how the other person is feeling and what to say to help them. Techi teaches us different subjects and she makes it fun. We get different shiner prizes for things. Like if I'm obedient in class then I get to help take care of the younger children and babies. Trevor gets to spend some special time doing handyman with his dad as his reward for being obedient and stuff like that.

"I get to go on a lot of fun excursions to different places. Sometimes we go on road trips and witness. We learn songs in the local language and perform them. The Lord blesses us with nice places to eat at."

In the years since I've had Olivia, I've written short stories about her—her growth, activities, antics or my parenting experiences with her. Mostly, I've collected these stories from letters that I wrote my mom and dad or Olivia's dad (whom I didn't marry, but keep informed of Olivia's progress) or others of my friends or siblings.

My plan is to one day present her with this collection of stories from her life—perhaps when she leaves home or gets married or has her own child—I haven't decided yet. But I think it will make for a unique gift and I think she will enjoy reading my accounts of her life and antics.

To end this chapter, I wanted to include two of these stories. Both of these occurred while writing this book, so I thought it would be appropriate to include them. And I trust that when Olivia is older and reads these, she won't be mad at me for sharing them with the world.

Of stealing and confirming prophecy

Today when I came back from my exercise time, I noticed that my purse had been pilfered through. Its contents were spread out on my bed, and sure enough, gum (sugarless) was also missing. Sigh. I don't know how many times Olivia's taken gum from my purse. It's hard to nail her on these things because I'm not constantly checking the gum levels in my purse and she's adept at hiding the wrappers. I only find them much later—if at all.

Lately, Olivia has developed some bad habits of stealing food and being rather sneaky about it. I prayed and asked the Lord how to address the stealing issue with her and got some good counsel, complete with a suggested consequence, which was going to bed directly after dinner.

So at parent time we had our little talk. Among other points made, we went over how stealing or compulsive eating is a bad sample and bad testimony and if she forms bad habits now, what's going to happen if she spends time at some friend's house and just "can't help herself" from eating whatever's in the kitchen without asking? We discussed what a bad sample that would be. She was quite adamant that she hadn't stolen any gum from my purse that day. She did confess though, that she had stolen gum from my backpack the day before.

So it was a serious Olivia who listened to the explanation of her punishment—having to go to bed right after dinner. No story, no time with her little friend who was coming to visit us that weekend. I thought things were going pretty well in our conversation. No tears yet. No freak out.

Way too soon to be heaving a sigh of relief!

"Mommy, could I get a spanking instead?" she asks me.

"Say what?"

"Because…well...I want a spanking instead. Can I just get a spanking for my punishment instead of missing out on story and going to bed early? Please?"

"Why?"

"Because....well...it won't take so long."

What to do now? Olivia's getting kind of old for spankings and I've found other consequences are usually far more effective. I told her that the punishment had already been decided, and we were just going to go with that.

"How about one spanking tonight and another spanking tomorrow?"

"Well, this just isn't up for discussion Olivia, because when I prayed about it earlier, the Lord told me that this would be an appropriate consequence for this offense. Maybe, in fact, you need something that is going to take some time and not be over quickly. I don't want to make you feel bad, but you need some time to think about these things, so that next time you see my gum in my purse you won't take it and you won't steal ice-cream from the freezer like you did the other day." A little discourse on "No chastening for the present..." followed.

It was at this point that the flood of tears began. "But Mommy, I'm going to be laying there in bed and thinking about it, and that's really going to make me feel bad. …" And on it went.

Finally she asks, "Couldn't we just ask the Lord one more time? Because maybe He'll say that I could get a spanking instead. He just told you that going to bed after dinner would be a 'good' consequence, but He didn't say that you couldn't give me a spanking, did He?"

Ah… Hmmm… This is where prophecy and one's personal channel with the Lord get tested! After shooting up a quick prayer, I said "Fine, we'll ask the Lord about it again." I proceeded to pray a prayer asking the Lord to help us to find His mind and find out exactly what was the best plan, and that we'd be willing to accept whatever that plan was.

Olivia didn't get anything from the Lord this time (gratefully, under the circumstances). When we were done and she asked me what I got, I shared an explanation from the Lord about why missing out on the story was the best punishment. It was pretty neat. The Lord said that He wanted Olivia to spend some quiet time with Him that night, and He also wanted her to have time to think about the lesson. He also added that he was actually being loving to Olivia in His choice of punishment, because she would have the whole day with her friend the next day and she would only be missing out on a short amount of time.

The best part is she accepted this explanation from the Lord without any more fuss, and even started coming up with other good reasons on her own for why it was a good punishment, and was able to accept it positively. Whew! And thank the Lord for prophecy. Boy, our children are sharp! They may want to get stuff double checked with the Lord, but it's wonderful that they have a respect for prophecy and what the Lord says.

Of chocolate bars and pimples

I was out with Olivia the other day in the store when I noticed that there was a significant sale on my favorite chocolate bar. Now, I'm not a big sugar eater, but there are those occasional "must-have-chocolate" days. And being that it was such a good deal, I picked up two to buy.

Olivia begged me to let her buy one for herself. She had some money left, she reminded me, from what my mom had sent her on her birthday. This was true, but I was still a bit hesitant. Though something about the fact that I had two in my hand to buy made it kind of hard to say no, I expressed my hesitation, and she assured me that she would share it with the other children. I agreed and bought her a chocolate bar.

When we arrived home, she dutifully paid me out of her money and I didn't think more of it till the next morning, when I found the box and wrappers in her drawer. No chocolate bar.

"Olivia, did you eat the whole chocolate bar?"

"Yes."

Feeling rather disappointed, I began the reprimand with voicing my disappointment that she'd told me she was going to eat it with the other children but she hadn't, etc., etc.

Olivia fairly shouted at me. "Well, it was my chocolate bar. I bought it with my money. So you shouldn't be mad at me for eating it!"

True, it was her chocolate bar, and yes, she had paid for it with her money. But we can't have her talking like that to Mom, or being quite so stubborn, so I launched into the "You're thinking about what's going to make you happy right now instead of thinking about the consequences of your actions" talk.

I listed them off.

"One. Did you brush your teeth after eating the whole chocolate bar?" ["No."] "So you slept the whole night with all the chocolate rotting your teeth. Do you like going to the dentist?" ["No," again.]

"Two. Do you really think it's wise to put all that sugar in your body at one time? Did you want to be sick this weekend when we have the birthday party for you and Trevor because your immune system is shot due to all that sugar?" Olivia shook her head.

"Three. Did you think about the fact that your eating the chocolate bar when you told Mommy you were going to share it with the other children is going to make Mommy not trust you? And that the next time you'll want to do something like that, the answer is going to be 'no' because Mommy won't be able to trust you to keep your word?"

"I'm sorry, Mommy. I just wanted to take one bite and then it was so yummy I just couldn't stop. I shouldn't have done it. I'm really sorry."

We prayed together. Talked a bit more. Hugs and kisses before she went off to class.

Two days later, Olivia wakes up in the morning with a pimple big as life on her cheek. First pimple she's ever gotten. As she's getting ready to go to class I notice it and ask her, "What is that on your cheek?"

It all comes back to me. The chocolate bar! Aha! I see an opportunity to drive the point just a bit further to home. "See Olivia, when you put a lot of sweets in your body, this is what can happen. You can get pimples, especially as you start getting older."

Olivia bursts into tears and weeps, "Mommy, you don't have to tell me I have a pimple. You're making me feel bad. I know I have a pimple. Everyone is going to see it. And it looks so ugly and everyone is going to notice it and think I look terrible." Boo-hoo-hoo.

Visions of the counsel printed in one of the older MLs about being careful about the things you point out to children start dancing through my mind. I had no idea this was going to be a sensitive issue. I thought I had a few more years before I had to start being careful about not pointing out things like pimples. I guess not.

I apologize, telling her I didn't mean to make her feel bad. I ask her if it hurts, pray for it, etc.

The next morning she comes to my room sheepishly and asks, "Mommy, do you think my pimple is going to go away before Sunday?" (which was when a "Kings and Castles"-themed birthday party was planned.)

So we had our first happy little facial hygiene class, starting with my informing her that cream is not the appropriate thing to be administering to pimples (which she'd been doing all day long the day before.) I made sure she knows not to pick or scratch it. (I'll let her decide on her own as she grows older if she wants to espouse the pimple-popping theory.) We went over face-washing how-tos, and in a rational manner discussed the connection between oily, sweet foods and pimples. Talked about how Mama had bad acne when she joined, and how Grandpa took her off of all sweets.

Sigh. Never a dull moment being a parent. Especially of a nine-year-old! Who knows what's going to happen next? Puberty?